


A Yes Isn't Always a Yes

by Mia_writes



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alcohol, Drugs, F/M, Matt Boyd's Past, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-07 00:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20515799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_writes/pseuds/Mia_writes
Summary: "His last memories of Greg were disjointed and blurry, a side effect of the drugs he’d been on. Heroin. Cocaine maybe. He didn’t remember what he’d taken.Greg had been one of his father’s friends who had come around for the parties and the drugs and the women that got paid by the hour. Matt had never had much of a real conversation with the man, or if he had, he didn’t remember.He remembered the sex, though."***A surprise visitor at an Exy game makes Matt think of his past. A conversation with Andrew shows it in a new light.





	A Yes Isn't Always a Yes

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for past substance abuse and past dub-con/non-con. This story explores consent and Matt's perspective on it. 
> 
> The inspiration came from Nora's asks: http://courtingmadness.blogspot.com/2014/11/4.html

The locker room door muffled the sounds from the crowd, but only barely. It was late in the season and the audience’s anticipation was palpable. The Foxes were playing the Trojans, who they had only beat the year before because of the Trojans’ commitment to fairness and to winning the Kayleigh Day Spirit Award. But Matt knew that their generosity only went so far, and the Foxes weren’t what they had been last year.

He tightened his hand around Dan’s. Matt would have another two years of playing for the Foxes, but this was her last year. She’d done what she set out to do when she had joined the team and had dragged the Foxes to victory. She had ended the press’s biting remarks about the Foxes not being fit to be a Class I team. She had ended the whispers that their losing streak was due in part to their being the only Class I Exy team to have a female captain. She had proven her worth, and her team’s worth, and nothing would take that away from her.

But Matt wanted her to go out on a high note. He wanted to give her another victory before she graduated.

Dan was spinning her racket nervously in her free hand. Matt reached out to still it.

“Are you going to give us an inspiring speech, captain?” He asked, softly enough that only she could hear him.

Dan snorted. “Well I’m sure as hell not letting my vice captain do it.”

Matt grinned at her. At their previous game, Dan had let Neil try his hand at the inspirational pre-game speech. The result had been a terrible mix of Kevin-sounding complaints about their playing level delivered with the wide-eyed innocence Neil used when he wasn’t aware he was saying something wrong. The locker room had been dead silent at the end of Neil’s speech until Andrew had said “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“He’s right, though,” Kevin had said. “Our team cohesiveness —”

“Shut up, Kevin,” Nicky had begged.

Dan and Matt had exchanged glances.

“Right,” Dan had said. “Okay. Forget all of that, and let’s go kick some Terrapin ass!”

The team had shuffled out, Andrew only leaving after a lingering glance at Neil, and Matt had approached his best friend. Moving slowly so that Neil could see him, he had laid a hand on Neil’s shoulder. “That was a good effort, buddy.”

Neil, able to tell that Matt wasn’t entirely serious, had scowled and shoved him off.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he had protested.

“I’m pretty sure Aaron could have given a better speech,” Matt had said.

“Fuck you,” Neil had said. Matt found it funny how much Neil hated his boyfriend’s twin. He’d slung an arm over Neil’s shoulder.

“Come on,” he’d said. “Let’s go show the Terrapins that in spite of our less-than-stellar teamwork and Sheena’s accuracy of a blind five-year-old, we can still win this.”

Neil’s face had twisted comically. “When you say it like that, I can hear how it might not have been the best speech.”

Matt had laughed.

Andrew had been watching them from the edge of the court as they emerged from the lockeroom, and Matt had lifted his arm from Neil’s shoulder, giving him a gentle push towards the court.

“You may be lousy at speeches, but you’re a great striker,” he’d told Neil. “Now go out there and show them all.”

Matt was glad that Dan was giving the speech this time. While Neil’s speech had been a sad sort of funny, it wouldn’t be enough this time. They needed some motivation before they faced the Trojans.

Dan was radiant as she spoke. She talked about the effort all the Foxes had put into training. She talked about how they were a family, on and off the court. She talked about how she’d been drowning five years ago, how Exy had been her only lifeline, and how she’d never in her wildest dreams expected to be captain of a team like this. She talked about befriending Renee and Allison and standing with them against the the misogyny of the upperclassmen. She talked about fighting personal battles and winning and how they had all proved that they could do it. How being a Fox was about being able to overcome. How they were going to go out there and show the world that they knew how to win.

The team cheered. Allison pumped a fist in the air while Renee squeezed her other hand. Aaron looked determined, Nicky energetic, and Neil looked desperate to get on the court. Andrew looked as bored as ever. The freshmen were smiling tentatively at each other, like they were ready to fight for their victory. Even Kevin looked vaguely approving, and gave Dan a nod of respect. Dan’s answering grin was fierce and sent Matt’s heart pumping like they’d already won.

He pulled Dan into a kiss.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you,” she answered.

They headed out onto the court.

Matt was running drills with Aaron, Nicky, and the freshman backliner Julia when he heard his name called. Wymack was gesturing from the side of the court, so Matt ran over.

“What’s up, Coach?” He asked.

“There’s somebody who wants to talk to you,” said Wymack. “Make it quick. We have a game to win.”

“Yes, Coach,” said Matt. He looked to where Wymach had gestured and froze.

Gregory Strome stood just beyond the team bench at the outer court. He looked almost the same as when Matt had last seen him, though there was a little more gray around his temples. He had blue eyes and a wide businessman’s smile. Matt knew that underneath his leather jacket, track marks almost identical to Matt’s ran up his arms.

Matt swallowed hard and walked closer. He’d been fifteen the last time he’d seen Greg, and he was surprised, as he approached, to find he was now taller than the other man.

“Matt!” Said Greg enthusiastically, slapping Matt on the back. Matt barely felt it. “It’s good to see you, kid. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” said Matt automatically. He must have hung around Neil long enough that his brain instinctively translated “I’m not okay” into “I’m fine.” He quickly changed his answer. “I mean, I’m good. Great. What are you doing here?”

Greg smiled, his hand still on Matt’s shoulder. “I was in the area. A friend of mine had an extra ticket and I thought I should come and see you play. It’s been a while.”

His gaze traveled slowly down Matt’s body and Matt shivered.

His last memories of Greg were disjointed and blurry, a side effect of the drugs he’d been on. Heroin. Cocaine maybe. He didn’t remember what he’d taken.

Greg had been one of his father’s friends who had come around for the parties and the drugs and the women that got paid by the hour. Matt had never had much of a real conversation with the man, or if he had, he didn’t remember.

He remembered the sex, though.

It had been one of the days when the prostitutes hadn’t come. They had all been standing around, holding drinks and listening to music, a few stray lines of coke still on lingering on the living room table.

Matt had been leaning against a wall, enjoying his high, when Greg had approached him.

“You look lonely,” Greg had said.

“Maybe,” Matt had answered, fifteen and irreverent.

“I could keep you company, if you’d like,” Greg had said.

Matt had shrugged, gesturing at the space beside him.

Greg had chuckled, stepping closer. Running a hand down Matt’s arm. “I meant a more… _private_ sort of company.”

Matt didn’t remember anything until the bedroom, Greg leaning over him on the bed. Both of their shirts were off, and Greg was kissing his way down Matt’s chest.

“Last chance to back out, kid,” Greg had said.

Matthew had looked up at the ceiling. He felt dazed. There was pleasure, and he didn’t know if it was from the drugs or from whatever he’d been doing with Greg. His dick was clearly interested in the situation. He might as well keep going. It was just another high to chase.

Matt had looked down and met Greg’s eyes. “I don’t want to back out.”

Matthew shoved away the rest of the memory, scattered remnants of touch and sight and sound. Greg hadn’t been the first of his father’s friends to fuck him and he hadn’t been the last. Matt had said yes to all of them.

He’d never told anyone but Dan.

Matt didn’t know why it made him so uncomfortable to be around Greg now. He didn’t like the man’s hand on his shoulder. He didn’t like that he was here.

He probably just didn’t want a reminder of that time in his past.

Matt looked behind him at the court. His teammates were all warming up. Only Andrew was looking his way, and his gaze was as inscrutable as ever. Matt turned back to Greg.

“I hope you enjoy the game,” he told Greg. “I have to get back to my team.”

Greg let his hand drop. “Maybe while I’m in town, you and I could catch up.”

Matt’s breathing was suddenly very difficult to control. He forced his tone to sound even. “The team is going to celebrate after. Win or lose. It’s what Foxes do. It’s good for morale, according to Dan. My girlfriend.”

Greg’s gaze turned inquisitive. “A girlfriend, huh?”

Matt’s vocal chords were frozen. He could only nod.

“Alright,” said Greg, stepping back. “Good luck on the game.”

Matt managed a weak smile as Greg left. He braced an arm against the plexiglass wall of the court. He just had to catch his breath, just for a moment. His stomach roiled, and he took a deep breath.

The track marks on his arm itched. For just one second, Matt thought about the relief that would come with shooting up again.

Then he pushed the thought away. He strode onto the court.

Dan turned away from her warm-up with Allison and Sheena. “Is everything okay?” She asked.

Matt nodded. “Yep.”

“Who was that?” Asked Dan.

Matt hesitated. Dan knew the whole story. If he told Dan it was one of his dad’s friends, she would be able to piece it together. And they had to focus on the game right now.

“Nobody important,” he said. “I’ll tell you later.”

Dan’s stare was inquisitive, and the crease between her eyebrows slightly worried, but she didn’t push. “Okay.”

She stretched onto her tiptoes for a kiss, but Matt turned his head at the lasts second so her lips hit his cheek instead.

“Matt,” said Dan, her tone serious, but she was cut off by the shrill sound of a whistle.

“Both teams off the court,” called the referee. “Captains at the half-court line.”

“Go win us the first serve,” said Matt. He headed for the benches with the rest of the team. Feeling eyes on his back, he looked up.

Andrew was watching him again. Matt met his eyes for a long moment, confused. Andrew almost never paid him any attention unless he was near Neil. Matt couldn’t think of anything he had done to merit the monster’s focus. He hoped Andrew’s attention didn’t mean he was going to get a knife to the ribs.

Then Neil said something that drew Andrew’s attention away.

The starting line-up was announced. The players filed onto the court, Dan launched the first serve, and the game began.

***

They lost.

It wasn’t a crushing loss, the way so many of them had been during Matt’s first year.The Trojans were as gracious in their victory as was to be expected. They smiled and said “good game” during their handshakes and even Kevin’s sour expression lifted for a moment when he came face-to-face with Jeremy Knox.

But it was over. This was the end of the season for the Foxes.

Matt barely noticed.

Dan, Allison, and Renee were having some sort of graduation huddle and he left them to their moment, heading straight for the showers.

He let the hot water scald his skin.

He had not played a good game tonight. Greg’s appearance must have shaken him more than he thought, because he’d been distracted and distant. Aaron had snapped at him to get it together. Nicky had asked him what was wrong with him tonight. Julia had shot him annoyed glances every time he let the opposing team’s strikers get past him. The freshman goalie had glowered at him after every point the Trojans scored. Renee had pulled Matt aside during half time and asked if he wanted to talk.

Strangely enough, of the Foxes’ defense, only Andrew hadn’t given him shit. He’d stood impassively in the goal and blocked every shot Matt’s mark made on goal.

Matt turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He got dressed quickly, then told his teammates he was going to meet up with the girls outside. No one questioned it.

But Matt didn’t head for Dan. He just needed a few moments to breathe. He needed to get his head on straight. He left the stadium, and stopped just outside the athletes doors, where the crowds couldn’t go. It had gotten dark while they were playing, and the stars were out. Matthew leaned back against the metal of the stadium wall to look up.

The creak of the door alerted him to another presence.

Andrew Minyard stepped outside, dressed all in black, his hair still wet from his shower. Matt tensed, but Andrew didn’t speak. His hands went to his pockets and he pulled out and lit a cigarette. He leaned against the wall a few feet away from Matt, and Matt relaxed.

Andrew had smoked half of his cigarette before he spoke.

“That man fucked you,” he said bluntly.

Matt startled. He whipped around to look at Andrew, who met Matt’s panic impassively. Andrew hadn’t asked a question, merely made an observation. He didn’t need confirmation, which was good because all Matt could do was stare.

Andrew took another hit off the cigarette. “You didn’t want him to.”

Ah. So that was why Andrew was here. He wanted to dig through Matt’s dirty past, the same way he had when he was getting to know his new teammates. But he didn’t know Matt’s past.

“I said yes,” said Matt harshly.

Andrew looked unimpressed. “Were you over eighteen?”

Matt worked his jaw, but didn’t answer.

“Which means you were probably also high,” said Andrew. “Yes doesn’t count if you’re some dumb kid on drugs.”

Matt’s anger rose. Andrew didn’t have the right to barge in on Matt’s life and start judging it. He didn’t get to decide what Matt’s past meant. He didn’t have the fucking right. “What do you want from me?” He demanded.

Andrew’s flat stare bore into Matt, but he didn’t answer.

Again, Matt felt the itch for drugs. It didn’t need to be anything hard. A little weed could help mellow him out. Though in his current mood, it might only lead to paranoia and anxiety.

A carton of cigarettes floated into his vision. Andrew was holding them out. Matt hid his surprise as he took one. Andrew held out a lighter and Matt grabbed it, lighting the end of the cigarette with the ease of long practice.

He took a deep drag, held it for as long as he could, then exhaled.

It helped.

Not very much. Matt’s tolerance was sky-high and nicotine was just not strong enough to end the craving. But it took the edge off, just a little.

“You played like shit,” said Andrew.

“I had a lot on my mind,” said Matt defensively. “It won’t happen again. And why do you suddenly care about Exy?”

“I don’t,” said Andrew. Matt could hear the truth in his voice. Or he assumed it was the truth. Andrew was speaking with the same flat voice as ever.

“Then why do you suddenly care about me?” Asked Matt.

Andrew looked at him like he was being stupid. “I don’t.”

Matt believed him.

“What do you want from me?” He repeated.

“Revenge is stupid,” said Andrew. “Getting rid of a future problem isn’t. Is that man a problem?”

Matt was so shocked he almost dropped his cigarette. “Are you offering to _murder him_ for me?”

“You’re Renee’s, not mine,” said Andrew. But he didn’t correct the murder part. Matt wasn’t sure if he was more shocked by the offer of murder, or by the fact that Andrew Minyard was offering him a deal.

Andrew was, in his own twisted way, concerned. Matt often thought that he didn’t understand Andrew and that Andrew didn’t understand anybody. Yet Andrew was the one who had followed him out here. Andrew had seen what Greg’s presence did to Matt. Maybe, in some fucked-up way, he did understand. Maybe this was Andrew’s fucked-up version of empathy.

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” said Matt finally.

“Oh Matt,” said Andrew. “Didn’t we just go over this? Aren’t you done lying to yourself?”

“I’m not lying,” insisted Matt, feeling like he was, in fact, lying.

“Stop giving him power over you,” said Andrew.

“Easy for you to say,” said Matt. “Your rapist is dead.”

The words hung in the air between them like the smoke from their cigarettes.

_Rapist_. Drake had been a rapist, but Greg wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Matt had said yes. Matt had not been raped.

_Easy for you to say. Your rapist is dead._

Matt instantly felt bad for what he’d said to Andrew. It was one of the cruelest things he’d ever said. Not even Andrew Minyard deserved it. He turned to apologize, but was frozen by the bottomless pits in Andrew’s eyes.

He waited, tense, afraid that any movement on his part would make Andrew lash out. Finally, the darkness faded from Andrew’s expression.

“One of them,” he said evenly.

Matt’s chest seized. He looked at Andrew with wide eyes, but Andrew didn’t look disturbed by what he’d just confessed.

“What?” Stammered Matt.

Andrew didn’t repeat himself. “Either make it so he can’t hurt you anymore, or make it so you can’t be hurt by him. Those are your two options. You can’t do either if you’re lying to yourself.”

Matt didn’t have time to gather his thoughts before the door opened and the Foxes spilled out, loud and arguing about some comment Kevin had made. Andrew dropped his cigarette, crushed it under his boot, and straightened off the wall. Neil approached, his eyes darting from Matt to Andrew with confusion. The rest of the Foxes headed for the bus.

“What are you talking about?” Neil asked. The concern in his voice told Matt that Neil had noticed his terrible playing.

“Not Exy,” said Andrew, like that was any sort of answer. Neil nodded, accepting it.

Andrew gave Matt one last lingering glance before walking with Neil towards the team bus. Matt watched them go.

“Were you smoking with Andrew?”

Dan’s voice broke Matt out of his thoughts. He looked over at his girlfriend, then down at the cigarette in his hands.

“I guess so.”

Dan bit her lip. “Now I’m really worried. What’s wrong, Matt?”

“That man from earlier,” he began. Dan nodded. “He was one of my dad’s friends.”

Realization rose in Dan’s expression. “One of the ones who…?

She didn’t finish her sentence. Matt realized that she didn’t know how it was supposed to end.

_One of the ones who you slept with. One of the ones who raped you._

Dan hadn’t been anything but supportive when Matt had told her. She hadn’t judged his actions or the men’s. It had been exactly what Matt had needed at the time: a safe space. But now he wondered what Dan thought of it all.

“Andrew guessed what happened,” he told Dan. “He thought… he thought it was like him and Drake.”

Dan’s mouth made a tiny o. Matt could see her fighting to control her expression, but that wasn’t what he wanted.

“What do _you_ think?” He asked her.

Dan opened her mouth a few times before she spoke. She made a motion like she would grab his hand, then thought better of it. “I think Andrew Minyard doesn’t get to tell you how to feel,” she said finally. “I think that it’s _your_ past, and only you can decide what the things you’ve experienced mean to you.”

“But what’s your opinion,” pushed Matt. “Objectively. If you didn’t know it was me. If I just said that some fifteen year old got high and said yes when a man asked to fuck him. What would you call that?”

Dan looked like she didn’t know if she should answer the question. But she also knew Matt wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want a real answer.

“I’d call that rape,” Dan said softly.

The word was loud and ugly between them. Matt let it hang there while he considered it.

His eyes prickled with tears. _Fuck_. He reached up to wipe them, only to find a steady stream going down both cheeks.

“I don’t want to be a victim,” he admitted. It felt like he was prying open his chest.

“You’re not,” said Dan instantly. Her voice was fierce. “Nothing had changed, Matt. Your past is just the same as it always was, you’re just seeing it in a new light. You’re still a survivor. You’re still a guy who managed to turn his life around and who’s strong enough to stay clean. You’re still a Fox. You’re still impossibly kind, disarmingly charming, and unimaginably good. You are still you.”

Dan’s eyes shone with passion and determination. She truly believed the words she was saying. She really saw him as that good.

Matt reached down and pulled Dan into a hug. She was warm against him, and her hand stroked comfortingly through his hair. They moved seamlessly from a hug into a kiss and it was wet with tears but also sweet with love.

Matt marveled at the fact that Dan knew exactly what to say. Talking with Andrew had been like being broken into pieces. But talking with Dan had been like being put back together. Like watching a sunrise. Like being seen, and seeing himself in return.

They broke the kiss and pulled away, but Matt kept hold of Dan’s hand.

“I love you,” he told her.

“I love you too.”

Wymack emerged from the door beside them. He looked startled for a moment, to see them there, holding hands, holding a cigarette. Matt hurriedly wiped the last of the tears from his face and crushed the cigarette underfoot.

“Not you too,” Wymack complained. “It’s usually Andrew and Neil smoking and kissing and making everybody wait on the goddamn bus. I can’t deal with this. There’s vodka at the hotel. Let’s get going before Kevin gets insufferable.”

Dan and Matt trailed Wymack to thus bus. They climbed on to the shouts and jeers of the Foxes. Allison gave them both a knowing look while Nicky complained about the heteros. Dan didn’t let go of his hand as they made their way to their seats. Over the top of everybody’s heads, Matt made eye contact with Andrew.

He nodded once.

Andrew nodded back.

Then Matt sank into the seat beside Dan. The bus lurched into motion, taking them back to the hotel where they would celebrate their loss.

“I’m sorry we didn’t win your last game,” Matt said.

“I’m not,” said Dan. “I meant everything I said before. I never thought I’d make it this far. This —” she gestured around them, at the team. Then she gestured at the two of them. “This is enough.”

Matt looked at where he was. He was so, so far from that fifteen year old boy who’d chased drugs and sex and parties, looking for happiness. Looking for a connection. He had a patched-together family who cared about him. He had a girlfriend who loved him. And he had himself, and the knowledge that he was strong enough to pull through anything.

His past would always be a part of him, but it didn’t define him anymore.

“Yeah,” he said, leaning back so Dan could rest her head against his shoulder. “This is enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
